you got to pray just to make it today

I'm currently in the painting studio at Columbia. There are two Asian students directly across from me. They just sat down to enjoy some take out but before they did so, they prayed... really awkwardly and really quietly. I think I make the assumption that living in NYC, people of different ethnicities practice a religion other than Christianity. While this may be true in many cases, it is never always true. Maybe it was also weird because I sat down to eat at the same time, and I didn't stop to pray. Maybe it was also weird because I can't remember the last time I prayed without being called upon to do so.

the last time I prayed was last week. There was a group of McAfee students volunteering at Metro. We all went out to dinner and one of the students asked me to pray for our food. I immediately responded with "We don't pray here." They thought I was joking and everyone laughed. But I wasn't really joking. When I quickly said the same prayer that I said at every meal with my family growing up, I realized I really don't pray anymore.

budding

i have always loved lunch meat. Its gross I know. But cold cuts are just so good. The other day I was at the meat market and I saw a package of cold cuts. For some reason prepackaged sandwich meat is hard to come by in new york and I'm not dedicated enough to get the real stuff. So when I saw this conveniently packaged container of cold cuts, I picked it up immediately. It was chicken and I'm usually a turkey person, but i just went for it. Once I got home I discovered that the brand was Carl Budding--the same brand my mom used to always buy. Its sliced rediculously thin and the package is so small you need the whole package for one sandwich. My mom taught us how to ration (even though I dont remember her ever telling me how many slices to use). My sister and I only used two slices. You hoped that you were at the end of the pack and there was an odd number so maybe you could have three slices. This was Carl Budding meat and it was so good. The package I found at the meat market was about 5 times the size of those tiny packs my mom bought. I made my first Budding sandwhich post puberty today. Sadly, it just didn't do it for me. The "chicken" was the color of ham. It could more appropriately be labeled "meat product." I long for the innocence of my youth and my love of processed meat.

this post is for borrego, who is probably the only person paying attention to my blog. coincidentally, she's also probably the only person who also loved Carl Budding.

"What do we leave behind when we cross each frontier? Each moment seems split in two; melancholy for what was left behind and the excitement of entering a new land."
-motorcycle diaries

love

“...In this here place, we flesh; flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it. Love it hard. Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it. They don't love your eyes; they'd just as soon pick em out. No more do they love the skin on your back. Yonder they flay it. And O my people they do not love your hands. Those they only use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty. Love your hands! Love them...You got to love it, you! And no, they ain't in love with your mouth. Yonder, out there they will see it broken and break it again. What you say out of it they will not heed. What you scream from it they do not hear. What you put into it to nourish your body they will snatch away and give you leavins instead. No, they do not love your mouth. You got to love it. This is flesh I'm talking about here. Flesh that needs to be loved. Feet that need to rest and to dance; backs that need support; shoulders that need arms, strong arms I'm telling you..."

Toni Morrison's, Beloved

"Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you've been issued. Whether you're going to live it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it, and find out the truth about who you are"
-Anne Lamott

home?

from Garden State...
Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew: You'll see when you move out-it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean, it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know-for you kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

the book survey...

One book that changed my life: Resident Aliens by Stanley Hauerwas
I read this book in college and it was the first time I realized that I could think differently than what people expected. It was the first time that I began to honestly engage my beliefs about God, the world, and myself.


I've read more than once: Night by Elie Wiesel
I haven't read many books more than once although there are many that I would like to read again. This book is a quick read but a lasting reminder of so many important aspects of life.


I would want on a desert island: The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen
I could probably choose any of Nouwen's books for this question, but this book helped me learn how to better understand myself.


Made me laugh: Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris
Quite possibly my favorite author, Sedaris is hilarious and honest. In this book he not only takes on the humor of life, but he also offers some commentary on life in general.


Made me cry: A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
Despite the hoopla over its embellishments, this book was very engaging and really pulled me through the ups and downs of Frey's experience. The happy moments where people connect and look out for each other left me a little teary eyed.


I wish I'd written: The Heart is a Little to the Left by William Sloane Coffin
He's so inspiring, socially aware, provocative, and intelligent.


I am currently reading: The Motocylce Diaries by Ernesto Che Guevara
Its a little slow but an inspiring look into this revolutionary's life before his military involvement.

I want to read: something by Thomas Merton